Thoughts on Pretty Privilege

Jun 10

Have you ever had someone be really nice to you for seemingly no reason? Have you ever been applauded by your peers or bosses for the same amount of work that your colleagues complete? Have you ever felt like you have your pick of the litter in terms of jobs, dates, friends, etc? If so, you probably have some degree of “pretty privilege.”

Pretty privilege is a concept that’s been around basically since the dawn of humanity, given its close correlation to biology and evolution, though the phrase was coined more recently. The idea is that those people who are deemed physically attractive by society - which in Western civilizations typically corresponds to being white, thin, able-bodied, young, and cisgender - are given more opportunities and afforded more success based on how pretty they are. Good looks tend to evoke an evolutionary response in us, telling us that a good-looking person has biological traits that should remain present in the gene pool, making them ideal mating partners. This base instinct has been so deeply ingrained in us as a society that we likely don’t even notice our preference for prettiness.

Most media we consume peddles the idea that the heroes, the good guys, the people we should aspire to be are pretty. Think about it - how many good guys in the movies and television shows we watch don’t have a close proximity to Western ideas of beauty? You may be able to think of one or two examples, but in the grand scheme of things, there are very few “ugly” heroes. What about the villains? Sure, there are a few pretty villains out there, likely ones who use their prettiness and the advantage it gives them in society as a weapon, but for the most part, villains are not conventionally good-looking. Instead, you’ve got villains like Ursula, boney old witches, Freddy Kreuger, Jabba the Hutt, the list goes on.

“This biological preference and cultural propaganda have given us an almost instinctive feeling that beauty equals goodness and ugliness equals wickedness.”

This idea then extends itself into nearly every aspect of our interpersonal lives. We automatically assume the best of people who are considered attractive. Then we either judge people who aren’t, or more commonly and more difficult to realize, we just choose not to associate with “unattractive” people. Think about the strangers you choose to approach on a day-to-day basis - in the grocery store, at a school or work event, at parties where you don’t know that many people. Are the people you strike up conversations with conventionally attractive? Do you give unconventionally attractive people the time of day or even notice their existence?

We have other implicit biases that are built in a similar way around disabled folks, people of color, plus-sized people, older folks, etc. I know for a fact that in my life, I’ve often been in awe of pretty people for being even slightly more than mediocre in terms of talent, intelligence, kindness, etc, and then often ignore those same wonderful traits in people deemed less pretty. I’ve often even assumed something was “wrong” with people who I’ve really never had a full conversation with, just based on their physical appearance. Even though I knew better than to associate intelligence, kindness, and capability with good looks and the lack of those qualities with being unattractive on a logical level, those implicit biases still crept in and had me judging folks I didn’t even know.

There’s no reason to judge or shame yourself if you do prioritize pretty people in your interactions. That shame is not going to help you or anyone else. It’s not your fault that you do this. Like I said, we’ve all been conditioned to behave this way from the minute we start consuming media. Our first cartoons, Disney movies, and even picture books all often celebrate the pretty people and demonize the less pretty folks. This pattern continues into the majority of media we consume as adults to the point where we don’t even realize we’ve digested this messaging and developed these biases. I’ve caught myself perpetrating pretty privilege more times than I can count and have seen it in action a lot recently.

My beautiful sister and I at a wedding recently.

With my younger sister having lost a significant amount of weight in the past year, going out and about with her has completely changed. Where once we were both overlooked and generally ignored by the people around us, never singled out either for judgment or niceties, now she is approached by someone nearly every time we go somewhere with either a compliment, a conversation, or a phone number. She is the same exact person, and while I’ve noticed her confidence improve recently, the only thing that changed about her that anyone who didn’t know her well would notice is her appearance.

This got me thinking of all the ways people are treated differently based on their good looks. The issue doesn’t just present itself in who we choose to talk to or hit on, but in who we think is a good person or a criminal, who would be a good employee, who deserves a promotion, who we reach out to with potential job offers or career connections.

“The hidden benefits of being pretty are nearly endless, and I think that rather than allow these benefits to encourage us to change our own appearance in order to win those privileges, we should take an active role in dismantling that privilege at its core.”

I encourage you all to think deeply about how you treat the people in your life and examine if your treatment is affected by implicit biases like those benefitting prettiness. I’m sure we all contribute to pretty privilege in some way, even if it’s small. Recognize that behavior in yourself when you can and work to change it at every opportunity. Keep an eye out for those who may be overlooked or downright judged for their appearance. Divorce your ideas about someone’s worth from the way they look. Recognize people for their genuine qualities, rather than the bodies they exist in. Intentionally seek out media that portrays all sorts of people in a positive light. If you’re feeling brave, call other people out when they do things like offer promotions to people simply based on looks or make harsh judgments on others for their appearance. The more often we challenge this narrative, the more we fight against it, the more equal and welcoming the world will be for all people!

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