3 Signs You’ve Made Progress on Your Body Positivity and Self-Love Journey
I recently spent a weekend surrounded by nothing but thin, conventionally beautiful women as a plus-sized, more unconventionally attractive woman. As you might be able to imagine, it took its toll on my self-esteem.
After a great day spent at the Renaissance Pleasure Faire in Irwindale, CA!
Generally, I intentionally place myself in body-diverse communities and environments. This allows me to appreciate people for who they are over what they look like and allows me the freedom to not be so god-damn aware of my own deviances from the accepted ideal or at least to not feel like they’re a shortcoming.
Through no malice or intention of the women I was with, being around them made me feel like complete shit. The casual fat-shaming, the dogged obsession with appearances and perceptions, constant body-checking, and the need for male validation — these are things I’ve worked hard to distance myself from over the last decade, knowing how detrimental they can be for my mental health.
During this weekend excursion though, I was reminded what it’s like to be surrounded by people who aren’t deeply entrenched in the self-love and body-positivity movement. It was rough, y’all! I was more self-conscious and hyper-aware of my appearance than I’ve been in years.
I want to acknowledge that the women I was surrounded with are on their own journeys of self-love and acceptance, mostly because they are finally coming to an age or life circumstance (like motherhood and/or completely normal weight gain that comes from being an actual adult woman) that causes their perceived social value to decline for the first time in their lives. These women are just starting out on this journey and I was immediately reminded of how far I’ve come.
I was also reminded of the immense privilege I have to have been raised by people who put substance over appearance and to have gone to a historically women’s college that did the same.
This weekend provided a glimpse into what a typical thin, able-bodied, white, blonde, cishet, partnered woman’s life is like and I was taken aback. It was an entirely different world, one that I’m honestly grateful I’ve escaped. For once, I felt like growing up as the fat nerdy girl was a privilege.
The entire weekend got me thinking, though, about all the markers of my progress. Markers that I hadn’t noticed before and perhaps you have reached but not noticed either.
Embracing Your Natural Appearance
First and foremost, I’ve embraced my natural appearance. I still love to style my hair and do my makeup — I’ll never knock people who do that — but I no longer do it with the intention of drastically changing my appearance. I’ve got thick, dark curls and I no longer go through the effort, time, or money to try to get sleek blonde locks the way I did as a teenager. Now, I rock my curls with minimal effort and love that life!
I also don’t spend hours contouring my face to try to look like Bella Hadid or Kim K. Instead, I’ve embraced the roundedness of my features — my thick brows, plump lips, and truly huge cheeks. I don’t strive for snatched anymore and instead choose to view my slightly red skin and general softness as giving me a “youthful glow.”
Striving for Comfort
Another huge leap I’ve made in my body positivity and self-love journey is that I no longer tolerate physical discomfort for aesthetic purposes. Gone are the shapewear, the too-tight dresses, the heels, the false eyelashes. I just can’t be bothered anymore! My physical comfort is too high of a priority for me.
Instead, I wear cute clothes that actually fit, stylish shoes that are comfortable, biker shorts or Snag Tights (not shapewear) to fight against dreaded thigh chafe in dresses, and makeup that makes me feel good and doesn’t irritate my skin or eyes. It’s not that I don’t care about my appearance, it’s just that my physical comfort matters more and I’ve learned to toe the line between the two relatively successfully.
Finding cute, comfortable, affordable clothes as a plus-sized woman is still a chore, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve finally built a wardrobe that works and generally refuse to wear things that make me uncomfortable.
Valuing True Confidence, Not Adherence to Society’s Rules
While we were out and about on the town in an experience that was truly traumatic for me in a lot of ways, I began to notice something interesting. The people the women that I was with were singling out as the most beautiful, enviable women in the crowd were drastically different than the ones I noticed.
In what should come as a surprise to no one, they were most in awe of the people who perfectly or closely resembled society’s idea of beauty — the thinnest waists, the most sculpted faces, the longest legs, the best lip injections, the blondest hair, the list goes on.
Though those women were certainly beautiful in their own right, I realized for the first time how much more drawn I was to the women who were “breaking the rules.” I was inspired by the women who didn’t feel the need to be overtly feminine, but were confident anyway. The women who opted for self-expression in their makeup through cool graphic liner designs or who had brightly colored hair consistently caught my eye.
It takes a lot of confidence to go out knowingly breaking society’s rules rather than trying to adhere to them and I was instantly more drawn to those folks who I likely would not have given a second glance a few years ago!
Conclusion
While I had a genuinely terrible time spending that weekend in an entirely not body positive environment, I learned something very valuable about myself — that I truly have changed for the better and things can only get better from here!
As lovely as those women were, I also learned that in order to protect my peace and continue my progress, I need to limit my time spent with people who haven’t embraced body positivity. Instead, I will continue to surround myself with diverse bodies and people who are actively working to love themselves just the way they are, no matter how society might view them!
Have you reached these places in your body positivity journey? Are there some key realizations I’m missing or may have not yet reached in my journey? Let me know in the comments!
