Now I Need to Worry About My Armpits Glowing!?

Is anyone else sick and tired of the amount of things we as women are expected to maintain on our bodies? I, for one, am absolutely fed up!

As a woman who studied film and media in college, I’m no stranger to how the things we consume affect the way we think and how they’re constantly nudging us to do one thing or another. Whether that’s television shows promoting building the perfect family in the cute suburban house with a picket fence, or political ads encouraging folks to vote a certain way in an election, the propaganda is everywhere and I’m generally pretty well tuned into it.

So I suppose I shouldn’t be entirely shocked about the level of policing we’re encouraged to do of our own bodies to meet certain beauty standards. And yet, here I am.

I feel like recently I’ve been bombarded with hyper-specific ads about things I should be worried about happening with my body. Sure, I’m plenty used to hair removal, anti-aging, makeup, and weight loss ads. Those have been constant background noise for most of my life. These new ads though, they’re something else entirely.

Now, I’m seeing ads for powders to put on your scalp to make sure it doesn’t show through the strands of your hair when you put it in a ponytail because, god forbid, women actually have scalps. And these aren’t just targeted to people who are suffering from some sort of actual hair loss. They’re targeted toward any run of the mill woman who puts her hair up when she goes anywhere.

Then there are the butt and boob masks. I mean, what the actual fuck? We’re expected to just sit there for 20–30 minutes with a mask on our boobs and butt to “hydrate the skin” and “improve elasticity?” And to do this regularly!? I call bullshit.

Today, I saw a kit of products advertised to give you “glowing pits.” I kid you not, they want us to put scrubs and masks on our armpits so that they “glow,” whatever that means.

And don’t even get me started on the number of products that are supposed to be able to cure “strawberry legs” when it’s simply a skin condition that’s super common and actually can’t be cured, only slightly improved.

I’m so fucking sick of the beauty industry manufacturing insecurities just to sell us products and keep us focused on these miniscule and frankly irrational imperfections rather than doing anything better with our time or money. Of course, that’s what the beauty industry has been doing since its creation, but still. They’re getting awfully creative with it these days and I’ve had enough.

And don’t get me wrong, I love a good beauty ritual just as much as the next person. It can be super soothing to take a little extra time to pamper your body and use luxurious products. I’ve got a cupboard full of different face masks and serums, body lotions, and even a silly beauty gadget or two. And my makeup drawer is practically bursting with things I use when I feel like doing a full face. I understand the appeal.

So I’m not advocating we stop participating in the beauty industry altogether if it brings us joy. But please for the love of god, let’s not buy into all of these frankly ridiculous things we need to “fix” about ourselves.

It’s all just a ploy to get us to spend our hard-earned money and our already in-demand time on things that are absolutely meaningless in the long run and keep us vying for some sort of patriarchal validation rather than, I don’t know, picking up hobbies, building strong and empowering communities, or just making some damn meaning out of our lives.

Go out and enjoy your life even if the skin on your ass jiggles or your pits don’t glow. I give you full permission.